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Love Hurts, But This Movie Just Annoys

Writer's picture: Nicolas SchueleNicolas Schuele
2/5
2/5

Closer (2004), by Mike Nichols, is a stylish, moody dive into the messy world of love and betrayal. Boasting a cast as famous as its drama is juicy (Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, and Clive Owen,) you'd expect it to carry an emotional knockout. But you know what? It kind of left me cold. Which with this subject, says a lot.


Closer

Who Are We Even Supposed to Root For?


There's just this: the characters in "Closer (2004)" are the worst. All of them. They lie, they cheat, and manipulate like it's their full-time job. At no point did I feel invested in their happiness—hell, even their survival, if I'm being honest. Meaning, it's rare to watch a movie where you actively don't care what happens to anyone, but here we are. It felt more like watching their lives spiral from far, far away, minus the emotional impact.


Surprisingly Gorgeous for Its Age


On the other hand, I have to say that the cinematography has held up really well. The framing, the muted colors, it's all still so good-looking, even 20 years later. There's something so clean and cool about it all; it feels timeless. It's almost clinical, though, which suits the detached tone of the story. Say what you will about the rest of the movie, but visually? It's like a sleek time capsule of early 2000s filmmaking.


Closer

The Script: Sharp, But Maybe Too Sharp


The dialogue is where Closer shines. Kind of. It's full of biting, clever lines, and some of the verbal sparring is genuinely fun to watch. Clive Owen especially has a few moments where he really goes for it, and it's hard not to enjoy. But after a while, the constant barrage of cleverness becomes exhausting. It begins to feel as if the characters are forever performing, as if they know that they are part of a movie and have to utter the wittiest quip each time they open their mouths. It's a lot.


Is This a Soap Opera in Disguise?


Deep down, Closer feels like a soap opera trying to dress up as something smarter. The never-ending cycles of cheating, lying, and crying would fit right in on daytime TV with better lighting and fancy accents. It takes itself so seriously, though, it's hard to tell if the film knows how over-the-top it actually is. A little wit or humor would've gone a long way here, but instead it's all anguish, all the time. In the end, I wanted someone- anyone - to crack a joke or, better still, flash a smile.


Closer
The Unlikeables would also have been a fitting title

The Verdict


Closer is the kind of movie that's impressive in terms of looks and sounds on the surface but somewhat hollow beneath it. Of course, it still looks smashing on a cinematic level, and most scenes are acted well. But with characters this unlikeable and a story this bleak, it’s hard to feel much of anything by the time the credits roll. If you’re into polished misery, this might be your thing. For me, it was more of a stylish bummer.


Closer

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