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Mary Queen of Scots | Haircuts and Awkward Silences

Writer's picture: Nicolas SchueleNicolas Schuele
2.5
2.5/5

So here’s the thing: I wanted Mary Queen of Scots to be great. Two powerhouse actresses, a story full of betrayal and power struggles—what could go wrong? Well, for starters, the hair. Saoirse Ronan’s Mary looks like she just got out of an experimental barbershop, and Margot Robbie’s Queen Elizabeth? By the end, she’s less queenly and more like a Tim Burton character who wandered into the wrong movie. It’s hard to focus on the tension when the hairstyles are pulling focus like they’re trying to get their own spin-off.


Mary Stuart

Slow, Slower… Still Waiting


Let’s not sugarcoat it: this movie is slow. Like, “check-your-watch-every-ten-minutes” slow. You get long stares, slow conversations, and enough dramatic pauses to make even the most patient viewer restless. The story is there—court drama, betrayal, political power plays—but it’s buried under so much dragging that you start to lose interest. By the time the movie reaches any real stakes, it feels like it’s too little, too late. It’s like being promised fireworks and getting a single sparkler instead.


Max Richter, What Happened?


Now, Max Richter is a composer I really admire. He’s written some stunning scores, and I expected his music to add a real emotional punch here. But for some reason, the soundtrack just kind of sits there. It’s nice enough, I guess, but where’s the theme? Where’s the big, sweeping musical moment that makes you feel something? Instead, the music feels like it’s just there to fill the silence. It’s probably a choice made by the production team, but I couldn’t help but feel like this movie needed more from him.


IT - by Stephen King
Pennywise or the Queen of Hearts? Off with their heads nonetheless

Margot Robbie as “Almost Pennywise”


Margot Robbie does her best, but the film does her dirty with that makeup and styling. Her Queen Elizabeth starts out somewhat regal, but by the end, she’s practically unrecognizable. Instead of looking like a queen weighed down by power and isolation, she looks downright unsettling. Like, creepy-doll unsettling. Saoirse Ronan, on the other hand, is solid as Mary, but the movie doesn’t give her much to do beyond looking stern and delivering speeches. These two actresses deserved a better script.


Looks Good, Feels Empty


To give credit where it’s due, the movie looks amazing. The Scottish landscapes are stunning, the costumes are detailed, and the sets are gorgeous. It’s clear a lot of effort went into making the film look expensive, and visually, it delivers. But that’s where the praise stops. Nice visuals can’t save a story that feels so flat and lifeless. There’s no urgency, no real drama—just a lot of pretty shots of people looking upset.


Horsies!

Final Thoughts


At the end of the day, Mary Queen of Scots feels like a movie that got stuck somewhere between a history lesson and an art project. It’s slow, overly serious, and constantly distracted by its own hair and makeup choices. The performances are fine, the scenery is lovely, and yet it’s still kind of a slog to sit through. If you’re into period dramas and have the patience of a saint, you might get something out of it. Otherwise, save yourself the time and just scroll through some screenshots. You’ll get the idea.

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